.
torsdag 12. september 2019
fredag 6. september 2019
Is Norway Almost a Utopia?
In the two major world rankings of well being, happiness and quality of life it is time after time what right wingers dismiss as "outdated social democracies" which win the top places. While the USA and Great Britain, the homes of neo liberalist conservatism, are longer down the list and have a plague of social problems which they would sweep under the carpet, and indeed they try to do so.
When allowed to conduct research without a political agenda, economists and sociologists draw up questionaires and other devices, they come up with the result that high tax, high state mediated service countries are the happiest with the best qaulity of life.
Norway vyes with Denmark, Canada and Switzerland for top place year after year. The reason for this terrible bias towards social democracy isnt really explored, but could it just possibly be that the lowest third those on the income scale have enough money to cover the cost of living, a health service to keep them alive and in work, and free time in which to enjoy a quality of life outside work?
All the ills of paying high taxes and having the state mediate welfare and health services used to be easier to deny for neo conservatives because poor old sweden had a high suicide rate.
After former American president Dwight Eisenhower claimed Sweden had the highest suicide rate in the world, the image of depressed and suicidal Swedes was more or less cemented. But was there ever any truth to this? Eisenhower gave the speech in 1960 where he said that "sin, nudity, drunkenness and suicide" in Sweden were due to welfare policy excess". Which suited his political ends as the 1950s ideel of the USA on the wave of post war keynsian economics looked like it may create a social democracy with JFK at the helm.
However this was basically a nice bit of inconsistent statistical method, and the reality is different with sweden on average with OECD countries. In fact if you compare to other dark-winter countries like Russia, and indeed the most northerly state in the USA, Alaska it is considerably lower in Sweden.
Sweden has however, fallen out of the top league in quality of life and happiness, Is this because the political consensus has shifted from democratic socialism to a neo liberal , tax and state reduction policy? Like int he UK and the USA, it is immigration whcih gets the blames for the ills of neo liberalist economic policy.
But let us back up here, what the hell is a utopia, how near can we come to it? What is social democracy and why do the 'worst offenders' score so highly on the happiness tables?
Another way of looking at social democracy is that of a supplier. A monopoly, The government, You pay your taxes and you get no choice, just delivery. However social democracies have moved away from provision of food with a greater degree of market economics in agriculture in particular. Transport too has become less state dominated in Canada, Europe and Australia. When it comes though to health, education and income support, that is where the state plays off against the consumer demand.
The issue with market economics in general health care is rather clear, It doesnt exist, you have Medicare and a massive lobby movement in the USA rendering health care twice that per capita of high wage, high tax Norway. In other countries you have no where near general or universal health care, with a charity sector attempting to cure the poorest third of society. Health care is often not something a consumer is in a state to choose either physically, mentally in case of acute illness or accident, nor in a state to possess enough choice by reasoning to make informed health care decisions in the face of opinion which may be marketing communciation to higher profit outcomes for the private firm offering health care via the bonus rewarded doctor.
If we look at the state as a supplier, then we choose a potential monopoly but we have democracy to regn in its excesses via not law work which makes the supplier work for the individual. Such as the health reform act of 1996 in Norway which was based on years of philosophising about how the state supply should respect the individual and not deprive them of their right to choice, information and respect.
The key maybe lies in those damned statistics. The lower third of society are having it all too good in social democracies to the cost of the upper third, with the middle third actually taking the major income and wealth tax burden. This is the core of neo conservative policy over the last 4 decades, and essentially it hasnt been able to get ahead of those pesky social democracies where the state dehumanises the individual by offering such evils as standard health care and public transport.
The core of conservatism is that people should work for their money and the market will decide their worth. If the market delivers then surely hard work should entitle a person to a better quality of life than is achievable in a social democracy? Private health care, private education, private pension. The trouble is there is no nanny capitalism, The end result of the accumulation of capital, economic and political power is that there has to be slavery in order to feed the demands of profit up the chain. Eventually people will be forced into working for a subsistance living and worse, going into debt to purely exist and be able to go to work. That is where we have come to in the two bastions of Neo Conservatism.
Capitalism is no utopia, but the trouble is there is a religion around it and other political beliefs, which hinders the debate on what is pragmatic in society. Labels of negativity are placed upon both 'systems'. We know in their pure state, both raw capitalism and total socialism destroy the rights of the individual from experiences of Stalinism, Nazi Germany and 1930's depression and repression in the USA.
We have reached a basal, lowest denominator level of politics in the UK and US where immigration is the scape goat for weak labour policy. Weak "free" labour policy denies people of working themselves out of abject poverty. Capitalism doesnt work for the lowest educated, so blame immigrants !
The issue with social democracy for those who say it holds back society and economic development, is that there is no such thing as the poor rich, the dispossessed wealthy any more, True there was in the post war era, but now we are in a period where the wealthy are pretty wealthy in Denmark, Norway, Canada and in particular Switzerland. They can take enough out of society that they are satisfied with the productivity of plant, property and work force while in being forced to pay back via taxes, they work harder to maintain their status.
Everybody has it pretty good, no one starves or works just to keep themselves on the breadline. Far from being pawns of the state or slaves of capital, people are empowered to be existential individuals freed from mere existence to cover the costs of living. This is the reason social democracies score higher.
-------------------------------------------------
In the next blog , we will consider social democracy, Can We Ever Afford It?
When allowed to conduct research without a political agenda, economists and sociologists draw up questionaires and other devices, they come up with the result that high tax, high state mediated service countries are the happiest with the best qaulity of life.
Norway vyes with Denmark, Canada and Switzerland for top place year after year. The reason for this terrible bias towards social democracy isnt really explored, but could it just possibly be that the lowest third those on the income scale have enough money to cover the cost of living, a health service to keep them alive and in work, and free time in which to enjoy a quality of life outside work?
All the ills of paying high taxes and having the state mediate welfare and health services used to be easier to deny for neo conservatives because poor old sweden had a high suicide rate.
After former American president Dwight Eisenhower claimed Sweden had the highest suicide rate in the world, the image of depressed and suicidal Swedes was more or less cemented. But was there ever any truth to this? Eisenhower gave the speech in 1960 where he said that "sin, nudity, drunkenness and suicide" in Sweden were due to welfare policy excess". Which suited his political ends as the 1950s ideel of the USA on the wave of post war keynsian economics looked like it may create a social democracy with JFK at the helm.
However this was basically a nice bit of inconsistent statistical method, and the reality is different with sweden on average with OECD countries. In fact if you compare to other dark-winter countries like Russia, and indeed the most northerly state in the USA, Alaska it is considerably lower in Sweden.
Sweden has however, fallen out of the top league in quality of life and happiness, Is this because the political consensus has shifted from democratic socialism to a neo liberal , tax and state reduction policy? Like int he UK and the USA, it is immigration whcih gets the blames for the ills of neo liberalist economic policy.
But let us back up here, what the hell is a utopia, how near can we come to it? What is social democracy and why do the 'worst offenders' score so highly on the happiness tables?
Another way of looking at social democracy is that of a supplier. A monopoly, The government, You pay your taxes and you get no choice, just delivery. However social democracies have moved away from provision of food with a greater degree of market economics in agriculture in particular. Transport too has become less state dominated in Canada, Europe and Australia. When it comes though to health, education and income support, that is where the state plays off against the consumer demand.
The issue with market economics in general health care is rather clear, It doesnt exist, you have Medicare and a massive lobby movement in the USA rendering health care twice that per capita of high wage, high tax Norway. In other countries you have no where near general or universal health care, with a charity sector attempting to cure the poorest third of society. Health care is often not something a consumer is in a state to choose either physically, mentally in case of acute illness or accident, nor in a state to possess enough choice by reasoning to make informed health care decisions in the face of opinion which may be marketing communciation to higher profit outcomes for the private firm offering health care via the bonus rewarded doctor.
If we look at the state as a supplier, then we choose a potential monopoly but we have democracy to regn in its excesses via not law work which makes the supplier work for the individual. Such as the health reform act of 1996 in Norway which was based on years of philosophising about how the state supply should respect the individual and not deprive them of their right to choice, information and respect.
The key maybe lies in those damned statistics. The lower third of society are having it all too good in social democracies to the cost of the upper third, with the middle third actually taking the major income and wealth tax burden. This is the core of neo conservative policy over the last 4 decades, and essentially it hasnt been able to get ahead of those pesky social democracies where the state dehumanises the individual by offering such evils as standard health care and public transport.
The core of conservatism is that people should work for their money and the market will decide their worth. If the market delivers then surely hard work should entitle a person to a better quality of life than is achievable in a social democracy? Private health care, private education, private pension. The trouble is there is no nanny capitalism, The end result of the accumulation of capital, economic and political power is that there has to be slavery in order to feed the demands of profit up the chain. Eventually people will be forced into working for a subsistance living and worse, going into debt to purely exist and be able to go to work. That is where we have come to in the two bastions of Neo Conservatism.
Capitalism is no utopia, but the trouble is there is a religion around it and other political beliefs, which hinders the debate on what is pragmatic in society. Labels of negativity are placed upon both 'systems'. We know in their pure state, both raw capitalism and total socialism destroy the rights of the individual from experiences of Stalinism, Nazi Germany and 1930's depression and repression in the USA.
We have reached a basal, lowest denominator level of politics in the UK and US where immigration is the scape goat for weak labour policy. Weak "free" labour policy denies people of working themselves out of abject poverty. Capitalism doesnt work for the lowest educated, so blame immigrants !
The issue with social democracy for those who say it holds back society and economic development, is that there is no such thing as the poor rich, the dispossessed wealthy any more, True there was in the post war era, but now we are in a period where the wealthy are pretty wealthy in Denmark, Norway, Canada and in particular Switzerland. They can take enough out of society that they are satisfied with the productivity of plant, property and work force while in being forced to pay back via taxes, they work harder to maintain their status.
Everybody has it pretty good, no one starves or works just to keep themselves on the breadline. Far from being pawns of the state or slaves of capital, people are empowered to be existential individuals freed from mere existence to cover the costs of living. This is the reason social democracies score higher.
-------------------------------------------------
In the next blog , we will consider social democracy, Can We Ever Afford It?
lørdag 23. mars 2019
fredag 22. mars 2019
Zen and the Art of Skate Skiing
Zen it had to be, come away from a four day week of commuting 100km each day in a train of traffic, to then do a hundred klick round tour for snow, since the white hairline is receeding rapidly from lower lying areas.
It's a nicer drive anyway.
I was a little interested to see if there was still snow, yep 75 cm of packed snow which will maybe last until the very late easter we have (again) this year, who knows....
I took my ski bag with ALL my skis. 10,000 krones worth of carbon skis and poles ...plus 100kr worth of jumble sales waxless , i kid you not. Ok i have bought all the carbon stuff on mega offer, half price or lightly used, but my broad, 1970s era wooden with plastic sole loppemarked skis are good value for money. When it gets all syrupy, those skis get going! My other narrow skis dig in.
Today though it was firm enough to be skate skiable, while having a good bit of softness to get grip in. With a bit of a head cold, I decided to concentrate on two things: technique and enjoying my day out after a less than perfect week.
The very best tip I have for anyone wanting to learn skate style, is to avoid using poles. Both the usual skate style on the flat and down hill, plus the paddeling style uphill, are absolutely best learned without poles. And indeed as conditions vary , it is good to see how it feels through the soles of your feet and your balance up over as hardness and glide duly follow suite and are up and down.
Weight transfer and coordination/ timing are the critical factors, and if you try and correct poor balance or power application with your poling, then you will never make it work.
Part of that weight transfer is bringing your 'flying' leg all the way over the centre line such that you have all your balance and weight on the gliding ski on the snow. This is quite counter intuitive because when you lay that ski down , it is over the centre line again, so the extra swing seems unnecessary and you will see some quite fast skiers not bothering. However doing this prolongs your glide and offers more chance to power out and over onto the next ski as you compress your riding leg back into a spring and push over to the new ski.
It means also getting used to lifting your ski toe first so to speak rather than heel first, which was my mistake before. Once again this is timing and coordination, not allowing your ski to get too far back from the push off before you recycle it when flying it over the centre line. It doesnt matter so much if the tail of the ski brushes the snow, but the nose brushing is potentially going to trip you.
There are some very good youtube videos on paddeling as we call it here, of V1 offset as it is also called. The point of it is this
1) have a fish bone approach to sliding up hills with the fall line infront of your body.
2) offset against the fall line (path of most resistence, straight up hill) so that one ski is pushed with body and poles, while the other is easier.
3) use your body weight to your advantage rather than disadvantage by penduluming it with your hips.
One vid shows the three elements of leg movement. One, scissors, two hips moving side to side, three pushing off the old ski with a bent knee. This is enough to make progress up just about any hill in good conditions, but in either very soft or very hard, poles will help keep it going correctly.
As the hill gets steeper you need to bend your ankles much more, and your knees a little more, and maybe your body a little more forward, plus a slightly wider stance and more oblique ski angle.It should feel like you are scissoring up and not struggeling, ie you have selected the right gear by your posture and frequency. A better glide means you can point your skis more uphill, while a poorer grip will mean you have to go more sideways and up your frequency of hip swings.
Nose, knee, toes is a good rule of thumb for this as it is for the other two v1 and v2 styles, but you dont need to throw your head to violently around, and can avoid moving it so far over on the lighter ski side .
Standard skating requires your skis to come as near parallel as possible in fact, to make optimal progress. So this is also why drifting your leg in over the centre line towards your skating ski side is important. It allows you to choose how far forward or to the side you place the it for the transfer. Thus as the terrain and glide quality varies, so can your forward angle adjust for each skate side.
I find it is very much a case also of remembering to breath and pacing your effort out, as a person with L plates still on, and I have heard it said on TV and from a coach to two local team boys when they were doing a fairly challenging mountain route , "take the work rate down guys". A good way of 'gassing back' is to stop poling on lighter sections and just use your legs, concentrating on weight transfer rather than full coiled pushing, before you catch your breath, arrest any lactic acid build up, and get stuck into some full on exercise again. Paddeling is very demanding so, you should practice very light paddeling on steeper gradients where the hard ski hardly glides a tall, just a step really, but you get a nice little glide on the light side. Thus you can keep the wheel rolling if you tire while on a bigger hill somewhere.
Also the rather old fashioned technique of using a pole on each side consequetively as in classic fishboning, is quite fun and allows you to output small packets of energy while gliding as much as is possible for that input from arms and legs. It isnt cool or trendy, that is all!
Paddeling can be practiced in any slight uphill or indeed flats, but it is a bad habit to get into for reasons I mention above. You become over dependent on sideways movement for stability and rythm. Really you want to move to double dance as soon as you can when a slope eases, or conversely, keep it up as much as you can before going over to paddeling, But doing paddelign on a slight uphill and being aware that this is practice helps you understand the efficiencies of doing it correctly. That you are propelling one ski with everythign and the kitchen sink more uphill, while the other ski is a nice little reward for your efforts at an lesser angle to the hill. In practice the glide should be longer on the easier ski, and if not, then you should be going over to double dancing V2 to get your skis both more forward against what is a slope too gentle for using the paddeling gear set!
Practicing on your own is good because you can go at your own pace, but I find it a little easy to slack off, today I had a cold though, so it would be nice to have someone at the same level or someone who was prepared to hold back and let me ski at their pace so as to challenge myself and keep concentrating. I couldnt keep up with anyone very proficient in skate style yet without them being rather kind!
Skate skis being shorter and often stiffer than classics make for nice down hill skis when it comes to manoevring, not so great in plough, but ok. They are a lot easier to dab round corners in step turning, but need to be stepped often to steer withouth losing too much speed by ploughing, because weight transfer isnt as effective as in a longer ski with slight or moderate side cut. Skate skis have parallel edges!
Today though was also a perfect example of why to get a pair of skate skis. I think there must have been some new wet snow in the tracks because they looked shallow and soft. The centre lane was a little soft in the top 2 cm, but firm under that, so it was best of both worlds by in large, just the odd deeper bit of slush where the sun had maybe played longer I guess. I could see also that another skate skier had the wrong technique because they were landing on a tilted ski - their tracks were all edge instead of being a flat track folding over to a wedge. Aware of this, thinking they were at first my spor from an earlier run that day, I practiced getting my weight out on a very flat ski, and once in a while it dug on the outside edge in softer patches and threw me off balance and over in the snow twice!
Like most of my other sports and hobbies, bar dog walking, skate skiing is somewhat all consuming because I am learning it, and conscious of all my body movements, the snow and the terrain so it was a very good distraction on a free friday to get out in some quiet tracks and cut some Zs. Now for cutting the other sort, zzzzzzzzzzzzz
It's a nicer drive anyway.
I was a little interested to see if there was still snow, yep 75 cm of packed snow which will maybe last until the very late easter we have (again) this year, who knows....
I took my ski bag with ALL my skis. 10,000 krones worth of carbon skis and poles ...plus 100kr worth of jumble sales waxless , i kid you not. Ok i have bought all the carbon stuff on mega offer, half price or lightly used, but my broad, 1970s era wooden with plastic sole loppemarked skis are good value for money. When it gets all syrupy, those skis get going! My other narrow skis dig in.
Today though it was firm enough to be skate skiable, while having a good bit of softness to get grip in. With a bit of a head cold, I decided to concentrate on two things: technique and enjoying my day out after a less than perfect week.
The very best tip I have for anyone wanting to learn skate style, is to avoid using poles. Both the usual skate style on the flat and down hill, plus the paddeling style uphill, are absolutely best learned without poles. And indeed as conditions vary , it is good to see how it feels through the soles of your feet and your balance up over as hardness and glide duly follow suite and are up and down.
Weight transfer and coordination/ timing are the critical factors, and if you try and correct poor balance or power application with your poling, then you will never make it work.
Part of that weight transfer is bringing your 'flying' leg all the way over the centre line such that you have all your balance and weight on the gliding ski on the snow. This is quite counter intuitive because when you lay that ski down , it is over the centre line again, so the extra swing seems unnecessary and you will see some quite fast skiers not bothering. However doing this prolongs your glide and offers more chance to power out and over onto the next ski as you compress your riding leg back into a spring and push over to the new ski.
It means also getting used to lifting your ski toe first so to speak rather than heel first, which was my mistake before. Once again this is timing and coordination, not allowing your ski to get too far back from the push off before you recycle it when flying it over the centre line. It doesnt matter so much if the tail of the ski brushes the snow, but the nose brushing is potentially going to trip you.
There are some very good youtube videos on paddeling as we call it here, of V1 offset as it is also called. The point of it is this
1) have a fish bone approach to sliding up hills with the fall line infront of your body.
2) offset against the fall line (path of most resistence, straight up hill) so that one ski is pushed with body and poles, while the other is easier.
3) use your body weight to your advantage rather than disadvantage by penduluming it with your hips.
One vid shows the three elements of leg movement. One, scissors, two hips moving side to side, three pushing off the old ski with a bent knee. This is enough to make progress up just about any hill in good conditions, but in either very soft or very hard, poles will help keep it going correctly.
As the hill gets steeper you need to bend your ankles much more, and your knees a little more, and maybe your body a little more forward, plus a slightly wider stance and more oblique ski angle.It should feel like you are scissoring up and not struggeling, ie you have selected the right gear by your posture and frequency. A better glide means you can point your skis more uphill, while a poorer grip will mean you have to go more sideways and up your frequency of hip swings.
Nose, knee, toes is a good rule of thumb for this as it is for the other two v1 and v2 styles, but you dont need to throw your head to violently around, and can avoid moving it so far over on the lighter ski side .
Standard skating requires your skis to come as near parallel as possible in fact, to make optimal progress. So this is also why drifting your leg in over the centre line towards your skating ski side is important. It allows you to choose how far forward or to the side you place the it for the transfer. Thus as the terrain and glide quality varies, so can your forward angle adjust for each skate side.
I find it is very much a case also of remembering to breath and pacing your effort out, as a person with L plates still on, and I have heard it said on TV and from a coach to two local team boys when they were doing a fairly challenging mountain route , "take the work rate down guys". A good way of 'gassing back' is to stop poling on lighter sections and just use your legs, concentrating on weight transfer rather than full coiled pushing, before you catch your breath, arrest any lactic acid build up, and get stuck into some full on exercise again. Paddeling is very demanding so, you should practice very light paddeling on steeper gradients where the hard ski hardly glides a tall, just a step really, but you get a nice little glide on the light side. Thus you can keep the wheel rolling if you tire while on a bigger hill somewhere.
Also the rather old fashioned technique of using a pole on each side consequetively as in classic fishboning, is quite fun and allows you to output small packets of energy while gliding as much as is possible for that input from arms and legs. It isnt cool or trendy, that is all!
Paddeling can be practiced in any slight uphill or indeed flats, but it is a bad habit to get into for reasons I mention above. You become over dependent on sideways movement for stability and rythm. Really you want to move to double dance as soon as you can when a slope eases, or conversely, keep it up as much as you can before going over to paddeling, But doing paddelign on a slight uphill and being aware that this is practice helps you understand the efficiencies of doing it correctly. That you are propelling one ski with everythign and the kitchen sink more uphill, while the other ski is a nice little reward for your efforts at an lesser angle to the hill. In practice the glide should be longer on the easier ski, and if not, then you should be going over to double dancing V2 to get your skis both more forward against what is a slope too gentle for using the paddeling gear set!
Practicing on your own is good because you can go at your own pace, but I find it a little easy to slack off, today I had a cold though, so it would be nice to have someone at the same level or someone who was prepared to hold back and let me ski at their pace so as to challenge myself and keep concentrating. I couldnt keep up with anyone very proficient in skate style yet without them being rather kind!
Skate skis being shorter and often stiffer than classics make for nice down hill skis when it comes to manoevring, not so great in plough, but ok. They are a lot easier to dab round corners in step turning, but need to be stepped often to steer withouth losing too much speed by ploughing, because weight transfer isnt as effective as in a longer ski with slight or moderate side cut. Skate skis have parallel edges!
Today though was also a perfect example of why to get a pair of skate skis. I think there must have been some new wet snow in the tracks because they looked shallow and soft. The centre lane was a little soft in the top 2 cm, but firm under that, so it was best of both worlds by in large, just the odd deeper bit of slush where the sun had maybe played longer I guess. I could see also that another skate skier had the wrong technique because they were landing on a tilted ski - their tracks were all edge instead of being a flat track folding over to a wedge. Aware of this, thinking they were at first my spor from an earlier run that day, I practiced getting my weight out on a very flat ski, and once in a while it dug on the outside edge in softer patches and threw me off balance and over in the snow twice!
Like most of my other sports and hobbies, bar dog walking, skate skiing is somewhat all consuming because I am learning it, and conscious of all my body movements, the snow and the terrain so it was a very good distraction on a free friday to get out in some quiet tracks and cut some Zs. Now for cutting the other sort, zzzzzzzzzzzzz
fredag 8. mars 2019
Skal Æ Tinder Gold eller Skal Æ Ikkje?
Tinder gull. Ah jaså. Hundre spenn per måned.
Jeg kan hundre krone i måned. Det er ikke det. Før internettet brukte man ofte noen tusen lapp per måned på ufruktbare kveld på byen, på fest og fylla, på guttetur, på konsert.....alt med ja, kanskje jeg treffe blikket til en annen. Te gusta senorita
Det er ikke pengene, det er prinsippet at noe på internettet skal koste litt for en ubestemt fordel.
Hoved argumentet mot å betale for Plus eller Gull er at man ser de som har likt deg / høyre sveivet deg FØRST i 'feed'en. Gjensidige likes virker som det blir match uansett ? Hvorfor betale for å få en forhåndsvisning av dem som ikke vil høyere sveive over deg men Likte deg bare kanskje litt?
Det blir litt spillteori her. De damene, i min sak som rødblødig hetero man, som betale for Gull setter da pris på at det er litt utelukkende. Det er VIP rom. De har betalt og vet at nå har de Like til Like som er 'exclusive' . En man som setter pris på å møte hans neste dame, er villig å betale litt å bli med i klubben? Men er det en 'zero outcome' spill uansett? Alle tror det skal bli spesial der inn på Gullgruven, men de jobber fort gjennom alle som likte dem, finner ut at de er bare vanlige mennesker som leter etter noe uvanlig og du er desidert ikke det, og tilbake til den store fiskebekken uten Gull kort medlemskap?
Ah, ja men, man kan skjule både avstand du er fra andre og alder! Flirt over hele lander, universe og men barn fra 18 år.....Og blir mistenkt med en gang for å bruke gamle bilde og nå er grått og sliten, eller at du spiller på de dagene man kommer inn fra offshore og vil ha en Ligg in Stavanger eller Bergen før hjemreisen fullføres?
Jeg er bare egentlig nysgjerrig på kvaliteten og alders spektret til dem som likte meg og jeg er der med ti pluss likes.
Men er det slikt at Tinder har 'bots' og Trolls på bøkene? Er det lokkemat at du fort får ti likes fra damer som har fått rabatt eller gratis gull for å like hundre nye manfolk per måned? Konsporasjons teorien?
Ja vel, ikke fult så uvanlig at man blir lokket inntil ting med falske damer. Vi var en gang ut på byen et sted i eller nær Glasgow i Skottland med noen utadvente gutter som var verken sjenert heller redd. Det var et splitte nytt utested, liksom klubb, bar , chill, og det var mange der. Men få tiltrekkende dame det oppfattet vi med en gang Bortsett for noen få som liksom viflet rundt og flirtet litt, men virket plutselig opptatt som om de var på oppdrag. Og det var de faktisk. De var fra et eller annet byrå for aspirant skuespillere eller modeller og hadde blitt betalt av bareieren å stille opp i det første helgen at de var offisielt open-for-business.
Ingenting ny der. Sikkert folk ble lokket til gudstjenester i gammel Egypt av lett kledd og fine damer som fikk ekstra korn og kylling for å stille opp på tempelen.
Det var et måneds tilbud som fløy inn og så ut av min innboks. Synd jeg ikke tok den opp, suget litt på varen og bestemte meg at de enten ville være hjelpsom for meg som singel (og forbi best før datoen) eller er det mest hjelpsom for de som investerer i TInder of har en ny inntektsmodell basert på utnyttelse av ensomhet ?
Det er da en prinsippsak for meg. Jeg vil ikke være en over ivrig fjols, heller ikke en snob, heller ikke en som er desperat nok å betale for damekontakt utenom den gammeldags på fylle sjekking som koster skjorta uansett nå med øl nesten hundre lapp per halveren.
Jeg kan hundre krone i måned. Det er ikke det. Før internettet brukte man ofte noen tusen lapp per måned på ufruktbare kveld på byen, på fest og fylla, på guttetur, på konsert.....alt med ja, kanskje jeg treffe blikket til en annen. Te gusta senorita
Det er ikke pengene, det er prinsippet at noe på internettet skal koste litt for en ubestemt fordel.
Hoved argumentet mot å betale for Plus eller Gull er at man ser de som har likt deg / høyre sveivet deg FØRST i 'feed'en. Gjensidige likes virker som det blir match uansett ? Hvorfor betale for å få en forhåndsvisning av dem som ikke vil høyere sveive over deg men Likte deg bare kanskje litt?
Det blir litt spillteori her. De damene, i min sak som rødblødig hetero man, som betale for Gull setter da pris på at det er litt utelukkende. Det er VIP rom. De har betalt og vet at nå har de Like til Like som er 'exclusive' . En man som setter pris på å møte hans neste dame, er villig å betale litt å bli med i klubben? Men er det en 'zero outcome' spill uansett? Alle tror det skal bli spesial der inn på Gullgruven, men de jobber fort gjennom alle som likte dem, finner ut at de er bare vanlige mennesker som leter etter noe uvanlig og du er desidert ikke det, og tilbake til den store fiskebekken uten Gull kort medlemskap?
Ah, ja men, man kan skjule både avstand du er fra andre og alder! Flirt over hele lander, universe og men barn fra 18 år.....Og blir mistenkt med en gang for å bruke gamle bilde og nå er grått og sliten, eller at du spiller på de dagene man kommer inn fra offshore og vil ha en Ligg in Stavanger eller Bergen før hjemreisen fullføres?
Jeg er bare egentlig nysgjerrig på kvaliteten og alders spektret til dem som likte meg og jeg er der med ti pluss likes.
Men er det slikt at Tinder har 'bots' og Trolls på bøkene? Er det lokkemat at du fort får ti likes fra damer som har fått rabatt eller gratis gull for å like hundre nye manfolk per måned? Konsporasjons teorien?
Ja vel, ikke fult så uvanlig at man blir lokket inntil ting med falske damer. Vi var en gang ut på byen et sted i eller nær Glasgow i Skottland med noen utadvente gutter som var verken sjenert heller redd. Det var et splitte nytt utested, liksom klubb, bar , chill, og det var mange der. Men få tiltrekkende dame det oppfattet vi med en gang Bortsett for noen få som liksom viflet rundt og flirtet litt, men virket plutselig opptatt som om de var på oppdrag. Og det var de faktisk. De var fra et eller annet byrå for aspirant skuespillere eller modeller og hadde blitt betalt av bareieren å stille opp i det første helgen at de var offisielt open-for-business.
Ingenting ny der. Sikkert folk ble lokket til gudstjenester i gammel Egypt av lett kledd og fine damer som fikk ekstra korn og kylling for å stille opp på tempelen.
Det var et måneds tilbud som fløy inn og så ut av min innboks. Synd jeg ikke tok den opp, suget litt på varen og bestemte meg at de enten ville være hjelpsom for meg som singel (og forbi best før datoen) eller er det mest hjelpsom for de som investerer i TInder of har en ny inntektsmodell basert på utnyttelse av ensomhet ?
Det er da en prinsippsak for meg. Jeg vil ikke være en over ivrig fjols, heller ikke en snob, heller ikke en som er desperat nok å betale for damekontakt utenom den gammeldags på fylle sjekking som koster skjorta uansett nå med øl nesten hundre lapp per halveren.
onsdag 27. februar 2019
Bill Koch and Why I Suddenly Feel Bipolar ....Skate Skiiing
Skate skiing was always there for me, since my first awakeneings to the the idea at least, of skiing and of biathalon.
It looked both easy, elegant and Natural but at the same time I realised it might be hard to learn.
I do get a Natural High from all forms of snow sport, be it a Sledge With the kids, Snowboarding in days gone by, or now classic "kicking" XC skiing.
However skate skiing kind of coincides With other difficult Things to get past and learn in life, It reflects my personal sttruggles With relationships and career.
I started a little on my usual skis, on days when it was Cold blue waxing which tends not to grab on the snow,
Eventually after a job interview, the thought of some spare cash lured me into buying a super special offer on Madshus ultrasonics or whatever they were. The skis were light and medium 'spenn' ie spring or Arch pre tension. I managed to break the back of one of the pair on icey conditions a couple of seaons in. Also I didnt get the longer poles, which although not absolutely necessary , do help promote correct technique.
Two years in and With a bad repair job not holding, it was time for a New pair of skate skis and proper length poles,
I wathced endless Youtube videos on technique, but am hardly very good at See Do, However, as With my last potential New love of my Life, a lass called Heidi, I percievered, I went back again and again to a simple floodlight ski centre and round and round I went, Taking time to practice the Three main elements . Single Dance, Double Dance and Paddeling,
There were two main problems With my propulsion . Firstly lifing my heels too much and secondly my weak left side.
Lifting my heels could in part have been to do With the first pair of skis I had not having their bindings quite in the right Place, I think they are the fancy New type too, which can be slid back and forth for Balance or conditions.
However my New skis showed that I had the issue on the left side, and once i got good on my right, the Whole kind of 'stroke neglect' type thing which stroke patients get around partially affected areas plinged a bell.
This year I really had to deconstruct and go back to basics. Like classic, or downhill, it is absolute best to learn in fact without those overly long dangly poles, and every time you take out to the tracks, do a few minutes and some trials here and there Without them.
You can see some would be skaters or rather even some who have been at it for years, doing the sort of MC Hammer, flat doll on string legs out to the side, The motion is very similar to ice skating and rollerblading though, so you only go out the side a lot, when going uphill. Like tacking a boat, when the resistance is straight Ahead you zig zag, In Skate skiiing as in the other related sports mentioned, yiou do zig zag a little until in pure coasting or Down hill mode, THis is in order tha tyou can propell off one ski or skate, onto the other, The lighter the terrain and faster the conditioons, the less angle is needed, and the herring bone pattern becomes more acute downt the ski track,
Weight transfer and timing are the two key Things in being able to hold the Wheel rolling. You can have other elements right, such as the poling, but if you dont get Your weight over the centre line, then you will never ski efficiently. It becomes most obvious in paddeling, where if you neglect to slide Your pelvis and weight over, you end up With Your legs scrambling under a middle set weight placement, which is far less efficient and usually leads to haste and stumbling,
I realised my left foot was exiting badly without a good propell phase because in fact it wasnt being Place well Down at the start of the Whole left side phase, and because I wasnt committing enough weight over to the left side in the phase, The Cure for this is the heel to heel tap and also trying to ride as far out to the left on a neutral knee and almost straight leg as possible until you feel you will fall on the outside edge (which you can do!)
I had starte practicing this in said Field, but for the last two days when I happened to have time after work, I chose the more challenging local forrestry road, Yesterday I had some issues With paddeling, especially on the left side, and kind of strining the Whole thing together while remembering to breath and avoid oxygen debt
Today I took it a little easier, armed With all my experience and knowledge of weakenesses to date, I did a lot more Without poles and turned Down the work rate in order to achieve what I wanted, a non stop run to the end of the road and back. Apart from one or two small stop ups and a usual pole inside ski fall, whcih all the best pros have done in the final 100m of the world championships in their day I saw on NRK recently anyway.
In dancing I concentrated on landing the ski, weight balancing and transfer, straight leg glide, compression for kick, and cycling the ski over the snow again to glide on the opposite and recover for the NeXT landing, I went from a weakish left to a left side which is eighty or ninety percent as strong and effective as the right!
Conditions were what you could called easter holiday morning, Corn snow, packed and hardish With little free water in it and most of the air squeezed out, Pole sticking through to ground in some Places, more like concrete in others, It was fast. Really fast.
With this speed and accomplishment in mind, I completed my two laps, and elected on the way in to do some couple of extra CLICKs (km) to warm Down, What the heck, do the Whole 6 km again.
I took it a little easy and tried some slow but sure paddelind With focus on weight over on one side, It went well, and completed the Learning maybe for the season, With a high
I reached the turning point and was literally elated, This is why I moved to Norway! To get out on skis and learn New Things.
Rewards and a Low
I live alone for the first time now in five years, and althoguh percieveance has paid off big time in skiing and skate skiing, Those moments up at the far end of the ski trail were true happiness, and self realisation,
Then I drove home, eat a TV dinner and felt lonely and isolated, and thought how Nice it would to be able to see Heidi, But my perceiveirance didnt pay off there, in fact it had the opposite effect, She got fed up With me beign too Coward to defy her Lets-just-be-friends play, or maybe I was too on or what ever, Six months of getting to know here Down the drain after she decided on someting I am not quite sure why or how, but to push me away, and now back into say hello, wave goodbye maybe talk about the weather Territory,
I came back to my Hybel and eat, drove over to the Ex and the kids for a short visti and Exchange ofwashing and supplies, and came back home to hitting-an-all--time-low. Few beers and this blogg to reflect on skiing and I feel a lot better, but there is a bigger hole than I expected left by being out skiing alone and coming home to an empty Apartment than I ever thought possible before.
It looked both easy, elegant and Natural but at the same time I realised it might be hard to learn.
I do get a Natural High from all forms of snow sport, be it a Sledge With the kids, Snowboarding in days gone by, or now classic "kicking" XC skiing.
However skate skiing kind of coincides With other difficult Things to get past and learn in life, It reflects my personal sttruggles With relationships and career.
I started a little on my usual skis, on days when it was Cold blue waxing which tends not to grab on the snow,
Eventually after a job interview, the thought of some spare cash lured me into buying a super special offer on Madshus ultrasonics or whatever they were. The skis were light and medium 'spenn' ie spring or Arch pre tension. I managed to break the back of one of the pair on icey conditions a couple of seaons in. Also I didnt get the longer poles, which although not absolutely necessary , do help promote correct technique.
Two years in and With a bad repair job not holding, it was time for a New pair of skate skis and proper length poles,
I wathced endless Youtube videos on technique, but am hardly very good at See Do, However, as With my last potential New love of my Life, a lass called Heidi, I percievered, I went back again and again to a simple floodlight ski centre and round and round I went, Taking time to practice the Three main elements . Single Dance, Double Dance and Paddeling,
My Left Foot
There were two main problems With my propulsion . Firstly lifing my heels too much and secondly my weak left side.
Lifting my heels could in part have been to do With the first pair of skis I had not having their bindings quite in the right Place, I think they are the fancy New type too, which can be slid back and forth for Balance or conditions.
However my New skis showed that I had the issue on the left side, and once i got good on my right, the Whole kind of 'stroke neglect' type thing which stroke patients get around partially affected areas plinged a bell.
Riding a Fixie
Skate skiing is the slidey Snowy equivalent of riding a fixed cog track, erstwhile Courier or hipster cycle. You have to keep going like a metronome in order to make progress otherwise you grind to halt, You have to actually learn then how to take in more oxygen With a lighter recovery effort, and when to gas off to avoid oxygen debt and lactic acid, especially in the shoulder or arm muscles.This year I really had to deconstruct and go back to basics. Like classic, or downhill, it is absolute best to learn in fact without those overly long dangly poles, and every time you take out to the tracks, do a few minutes and some trials here and there Without them.
You can see some would be skaters or rather even some who have been at it for years, doing the sort of MC Hammer, flat doll on string legs out to the side, The motion is very similar to ice skating and rollerblading though, so you only go out the side a lot, when going uphill. Like tacking a boat, when the resistance is straight Ahead you zig zag, In Skate skiiing as in the other related sports mentioned, yiou do zig zag a little until in pure coasting or Down hill mode, THis is in order tha tyou can propell off one ski or skate, onto the other, The lighter the terrain and faster the conditioons, the less angle is needed, and the herring bone pattern becomes more acute downt the ski track,
Weight transfer and timing are the two key Things in being able to hold the Wheel rolling. You can have other elements right, such as the poling, but if you dont get Your weight over the centre line, then you will never ski efficiently. It becomes most obvious in paddeling, where if you neglect to slide Your pelvis and weight over, you end up With Your legs scrambling under a middle set weight placement, which is far less efficient and usually leads to haste and stumbling,
I realised my left foot was exiting badly without a good propell phase because in fact it wasnt being Place well Down at the start of the Whole left side phase, and because I wasnt committing enough weight over to the left side in the phase, The Cure for this is the heel to heel tap and also trying to ride as far out to the left on a neutral knee and almost straight leg as possible until you feel you will fall on the outside edge (which you can do!)
Heavenly But Hell to Pay After
I had starte practicing this in said Field, but for the last two days when I happened to have time after work, I chose the more challenging local forrestry road, Yesterday I had some issues With paddeling, especially on the left side, and kind of strining the Whole thing together while remembering to breath and avoid oxygen debt
Today I took it a little easier, armed With all my experience and knowledge of weakenesses to date, I did a lot more Without poles and turned Down the work rate in order to achieve what I wanted, a non stop run to the end of the road and back. Apart from one or two small stop ups and a usual pole inside ski fall, whcih all the best pros have done in the final 100m of the world championships in their day I saw on NRK recently anyway.
In dancing I concentrated on landing the ski, weight balancing and transfer, straight leg glide, compression for kick, and cycling the ski over the snow again to glide on the opposite and recover for the NeXT landing, I went from a weakish left to a left side which is eighty or ninety percent as strong and effective as the right!
Conditions were what you could called easter holiday morning, Corn snow, packed and hardish With little free water in it and most of the air squeezed out, Pole sticking through to ground in some Places, more like concrete in others, It was fast. Really fast.
With this speed and accomplishment in mind, I completed my two laps, and elected on the way in to do some couple of extra CLICKs (km) to warm Down, What the heck, do the Whole 6 km again.
I took it a little easy and tried some slow but sure paddelind With focus on weight over on one side, It went well, and completed the Learning maybe for the season, With a high
I reached the turning point and was literally elated, This is why I moved to Norway! To get out on skis and learn New Things.
Rewards and a Low
I live alone for the first time now in five years, and althoguh percieveance has paid off big time in skiing and skate skiing, Those moments up at the far end of the ski trail were true happiness, and self realisation,
Then I drove home, eat a TV dinner and felt lonely and isolated, and thought how Nice it would to be able to see Heidi, But my perceiveirance didnt pay off there, in fact it had the opposite effect, She got fed up With me beign too Coward to defy her Lets-just-be-friends play, or maybe I was too on or what ever, Six months of getting to know here Down the drain after she decided on someting I am not quite sure why or how, but to push me away, and now back into say hello, wave goodbye maybe talk about the weather Territory,
I came back to my Hybel and eat, drove over to the Ex and the kids for a short visti and Exchange ofwashing and supplies, and came back home to hitting-an-all--time-low. Few beers and this blogg to reflect on skiing and I feel a lot better, but there is a bigger hole than I expected left by being out skiing alone and coming home to an empty Apartment than I ever thought possible before.
onsdag 21. november 2018
'La oss bare være venner' - Lets-Just-Be-Friends, Norwegian Style
La oss bare være venner!
Lets-just-be-friends....Norwegian style.
For Young men and women out there, LJBF is actually a defeat you should just walk away from, if you are at all romantically interested in him or her. It means two things most often amongst the youinger generations. Firstly that they are not very attracted to you, but prepared to enjoy your Company, and often in this case too they just like the conspicuous attention they are getting after maybe some time being single. Secondly it is a plain and simple, polite brush off. Leave me alone for that type of romanti attention.
Cultural Differences
In Norway women are actually most often a little more direct and will brush you off more assertively and walk away from those situations in which a anglophonic woman would use LJBF. Men in Norway are a little harder to read I would guess, they tend to be a little terse and not show any emotions until they are sure, which is often after a drink fuelled passing over the threshold in outset anyway
. In contrast to many anglophone cultures, as soon as Norsk women even get the slightest feeling a conversation and body Language is going a defined way towards a pass, they are 'rude' enough to be a little, well rude and stop it happening. However the reverse is also true that they can be more forth right about getting to know you on a romantic basis. So there we are at a big advantage , but there is always that 'valued guest in Our country' thing which confuses Things a little as an invanndere, because they may feel they need to be the friendly host and are inquisitive. Very often interpreted incorrectly, especially amongst african men here.
For the Youth Amongst You.......Back Off, Move On!
If you are under 32 then take LJBF as a brush off. At any age though, it is best to qualify it rapidly - there and then, face to face., and Norwegians are honest enough to reply. So say Things like, oh I am sorry I am not Your type, I take it you dont find me attractive? Or are you seeing someone you are romantically involved With? Are you a lesbian? is an old cliche, and harsh bit of repartee but in the right circumstances yes it can be a little naughty and fun, if you have that kind of tone with a girl and come to make a pass at her here.
Qualify Anyway, LJBF May Mean Lets Date Without Stress
Far better in qualifying this at any age, is to ask ok, does this mean then that you would like to get to know me a bit but are interested , or are you just being polite? Or do you really like having male friends? Tell me about Your life and why it may be difficult for you to have a new dating boyfriend now?
Personal Example
The former of these propositions will be a wise route and perhaps I should have used it recently. I have known a girl ( well god voksen dame as they say here) for a good few years and we have always had a Nice neighbourly chat, and she has often, a bit mysterioulsy, asked me to help her With this and that around her house. I have avoided it, because I didnt want a complication or to let someone down, or to get my hopes up for a romance - this is Norway, and she just happens to be a beautiful, interesting and outdoorsy brunette who is more than just my type, she fits the bill to exact five course order! Finally since I am single now, I decided I had time to help her with some woodwork and also maybe hang out With her and get to know her, since I really like her and it is a LONG time since I dated last a girl who was a serious proposition.
After a pass which was not a pass, just lets do some activities together, she ran a mile from me and acted like I had asked her to travel on a "dirty weekend" as we call it in Blighty! Eventually I bumped into her and just had the gall to ask why she was avoiding me. She said straight out " I just want to be friends, I was in doubt on what you wanted" And we have become quite Close pals, but her eyes and actions contradict her LJBF, she looks to me as to be as much in love With me as any of the five other big relationships I have had in life. She is super generous and chatty and smiley and has a kind, long stare at me often.
So I needed to qualify after a few months of nice contact, if this LJBF is actually just let me get to know you better first. Also not in the least , let Your situation change a little so it is more obvious you are not together With Your ex, because you spend so much time With her and stay there often to look after the kids. However now she is pushing me away because well, she can read the signs you know and does not quite want to be put on the spot yet I believe. Alternatively she is being a strict LJBF or wanting to revert to avoiding the embaressment of seeing me in the undefined zone, and wants the Whole thing to disappear back to being a hello once in a while. And indeed that is where we are heading, it is kind of clumsy to keep on being in the friends zone.
A Spark That Never Ignites a Fire in Your Hearts ???
The big risk with saying yes to LJBF is that the spark of attraction is snuffed out, and time to get to know each other in a somewhat awkward half way house of semi dating, does not ignite romance, Rather it blows over. So you need to qualify that reply, and the other person's situation. Perhaps they are secretly dating already, but kind of prefer you? Perhaps they are very hurt from a previous relationship? Perhaps they are busy and just a little exhausted With their career?.
There is more subtlty here too. In Norwegian they just say ' to become in love'. where as of course we always say " fall in love" because on our cultural side of Things, it is a very subjective experience and we are more open to showing Our emotions on the outside. It is a trip wire and a pit trap, we fall into, we maybe dont really want to give up Our gaurd and be vulnerable but we do it. In Norway a lot of women are cooler of temperament and more calculating, Or they appear to be. Given the right guy they too will fall-in-love. Being a hmm, maybe maybe guy is not the right guy usually.
LJBF is Different in Middle Age Here
All this said about walking away from LJBF, here comes the Catch when you are older about this Lets-Just-Be-Friends (jeg vil bare være venner, when we are over say 37. There are thousands of lonely 40 somethimg seperated and single mums in Norway, who put all their time into Three Things - kids, career and training for stuff like Birkebeiner. They have been hurt. Often by an affair, or often that rather cool Norwegian style of relationships prove to be just that, a non chalent sexual partnership on one of the spouse's sides most often the man's. Once sex gives up, often after two kids come on the scene, so does the interest in the other partner. It becomes a very difficult Place to be in love again With Your partner or someone new, because the whole proposition is in doubt. You dear Lover boy, or lover girl, are a Dangerous prospect because once bitten means twice shy! So LJBF can be a saftey Catch before not only YOU move forward but THEY can move forward.
In divorce here as in anglophonic countries, there are the practicalities and the Financial and house work expectations, through to the limits on romantic time together due to Family, job and stupid Flock activities like Birkebeiner. House work is often quoted as the major quarelling point here which leads to break ups, but it is probably just symptomatic of a deterioating relatiionship where (most often the man) has lack of housework used against him as a sparring weapon for a woman to get her other emotional frustration at the lack of romance out on him. It is a viscious circle which leads to break ups, and People Wonder why they broke up over hoovering and making dinner, but in fact they fell apart because they failed to nurture romance With time alone together. In fact they should have forgotten the house work, sent the kids out to the grand parents and gone out to do somethign romantic.
As an aside It is too easy for a woman to have just motherly love and expect a well prepared, spotless nest to live in, in which the man kind of disappears as a domestic Assistant and pay cheque.It is a man's job then to . nurture romance and demand that time to go out, away from the spotless nest, and do fuin Things alone. If like me he was a little lazy and thought all was landed anyway, why bother pushing so much for 'dates', then you will most likely be divorced and wondering about that hoovering. So when New love comes for me, and other divorcees, DONT MOVE IN!!
Back to the meat of the dinner, in some few cases then with middle aged women, and of course in a younger lass too with difficulties in life, LJBF does not just mean let us ALWAYS just be friends.
It is a difficult staging post where you have to get to know them. But it is SO IMPORTANT in outset to qualify LJBF subtely but persistently until you get the answer you definetly need as aliving, emotional being - Is this a qualification period for a potential romance, or no, this is just face value and take it or leave it ?
You are in the lap of the Gods here, and have to consider if it is worth investing time in this person, because you risk losing that romantic spark and that moment you throw yourselves at each other is indefinetly postponed. It can simply go too long in that limbo state, as I have personally maybe experienced.
More from personal experience of late.....
From my side now in fact too much time has gone, and if she did hold a flame for me, it seems like it has flickered and gone out. I was in a zone of being about 90% LJBF for her maybe, I dont know. But it didnt feel right to qaulify it in outset, I was actually jsut wantign to get to know here, but realised when she ran a mile, that in fact I cared about her, really fancied her and could see her as someone I did not want to lose contact with.
Then my rought old, rusty gear Wheels in my heart started rolling round and crashing this big old machine forward and I had to brake up and she helped me too. She has of course given out mixed signals in body Language because she is very unsure, and now she has chosen the safer route to just being good neighbours and I am afraid that this will actually be too tough for me to be bothered With, and I'll either walk away or make a clumsy, drunken pass at her.
Be Prepared to Yeah, Be Just Friends ?
As a good girl friend of mine said to me, if she says LJBF then be absolutely prepared to be just that. She may be Worth waiting for, But what you have to avoid is LJBF in which one of you behaves like you are in a romantic or closer relationship. Then you really are being Cathy's clown, because she isnt interested but likes the attention and help she gets, and of course the Control which is important to these middle aged ladies who have lost Control over a previous relationship.
-
So on the positive side of the 10% times when it is more than it is verbalised to be, LJBF can be a rather nice prolonged means of getting to know someone and of flirting over time, and building the bridge to a shy or dammaged person who needs a slow introduction.
But the ground rule for the persuer is play a little hard to get. You should be non exclusive and make that a little Clear. Jealousy is a strong motivator for shy Girls and guys who otherwise wouldnt say boo, because they have come this far getting some attention but risk it not going that way. FOMO too is to be used, making it Clear that some fun situations and activities are out of bounds in the LJBF zone to her.
The acid test though is the hardest ask. Let some time go and cool off into LJBF though, before asking yourself "Can I cope With her (or him) getting a lover?"
If after several months of LJBF, this still makes Your heart strain a little, then it is time to put up or get out I am afraid, you are supressing Your feelings otherwise and this question brings it into the light of day,
A Word of Caution for Ladies Recieving an LJBF
I would say on the reverse side for Ladies here chasing men, that if you give out a romantic advance then you are very unlikely to get an LJBF unless the man is unsure of his sexuality, or in a relaitonship. There are of course situations where a man too will say LJBF because of his life situation, but unfortunetly men will rarely say no to a romantic advance if they are single unless they do not find you attractive. THe other situation they will use this line is the same as for women: you have to see each other again, through social circle, neighbourhood or workplace. Then it is a polite brush off, business as usual. The only thing a girl can do then is to dress provocatively at a party and try and get his attention if she thinks he is shy and being a little stand off and self defensive. It is a Dangerous area for both sexes and has to be taken With the less than just pinch of salt, that 90% of the time it IS a brush off.
As a parting little tool from my Box, I have a little get out of jail free card for you if you have come Down the line a few months or so With a LJBF proposition. This, will get a response from the Lets Just Be Friend proposer, and will help get rid of the unwanted extra attentisions from a persistent persuer on the other side, you are fond of as a pal, but is clearly wanting more. This little card will help you make a veiled but obvious pass, and Clear up any uncertainties without necessarily destroying a Nice friendship or in my case, meanign I have a neighbour who avoids me in the same cul de sac where it is hard to avoid anyone.
" Du, tusen takk for at du bruker så mye tid med meg, det har vært gøy og veldig koselig å bli bedre kjent med deg.
Men kjære venn du må heller bruke litt mer tid å finne en kjæreste og en som ikke er bare en venn. Jeg ser at du har my kjærlighet å gi, og er kanskje klar for et nytt forhold med noen du egentlig finner tiltrekkende.
Du er en flott dame ( /sjekk mann) , morsomt å snakke med, glad i livet , slank og veltrent ...(blah blah what ever is Your true opinion of her or of course him) . Jeg ser det er kanskje tid for deg å komme ut av skallet i den retningen og finner deg en kjæreste"
There you have it. Reverse Pyscholiogy you could say. It demands a reply, either way. It makes it a little obvious that time has run out on LJBF for you, or if in the reverse situation, STOP making passes at me, find someone else for that!
On the other hand it flatters and is an obvious pass to a woman or man who is interested in you, and an obvious BASTA, now you have to make Your mind up, because I am backing Down the energy and time I use on you as being just pals.
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