Zen and the Art of Skate Skiing

Zen it had to be, come away from a four day week of commuting 100km each day in a train of traffic, to then do a hundred klick round tour for snow, since the white hairline is receeding rapidly from lower lying areas.

It's a nicer drive anyway.

I was a little interested to see if there was still snow, yep 75 cm of packed snow which will maybe last until the very late easter we have (again) this year, who knows....

I took my ski bag with ALL my skis. 10,000 krones worth of carbon skis and poles ...plus 100kr worth of jumble sales waxless , i kid  you not. Ok i have bought all the carbon stuff on mega offer, half price or lightly used, but my broad, 1970s era wooden with plastic sole loppemarked skis are good value for money. When it gets all syrupy, those skis get going! My other narrow skis dig in.

Today though it was firm enough to be skate skiable, while having a good bit of softness to get grip in. With a bit of a head cold, I decided to concentrate on two things: technique and enjoying my day out after a less than perfect week.

The very best tip I have for anyone wanting to learn skate style, is to avoid using poles. Both the usual skate style on the flat and down hill, plus the paddeling style uphill, are absolutely best learned without poles. And indeed as conditions vary , it is good to see how it feels through the soles of your feet and your balance up over as hardness and glide duly follow suite and are up and down.

Weight transfer and coordination/ timing are the critical factors, and if you try and correct poor balance or power application with your poling, then you will never make it work.

Part of that weight transfer is bringing your 'flying' leg all the way over the centre line such that you have all your balance and weight on the gliding ski on the snow. This is quite counter intuitive because when you lay that ski down , it is over the centre line again, so the extra swing seems unnecessary and you will see some quite fast skiers not bothering. However doing this prolongs your glide and offers more chance to power out and over onto the next ski as you compress your riding leg back into a spring and push over to the new ski.

It means also getting used to lifting your ski toe first so to speak rather than heel first, which was my mistake before. Once again this is timing and coordination, not allowing your ski to get too far back from the push off before you recycle it when flying it over the centre line. It doesnt matter so much if the tail of the ski brushes the snow, but the nose brushing is potentially going to trip you.

There are some very good youtube videos on paddeling as we call it here, of V1 offset as it is also called. The point of it is this

1) have a fish bone approach to sliding up hills with the fall line infront of your body.

2)  offset against the fall line (path of most resistence, straight up hill) so that one ski is pushed with body and poles, while the other is easier.

3) use your body weight to your advantage rather than disadvantage by penduluming it with your hips.

One vid shows the three elements of leg movement. One, scissors, two hips moving side to side, three pushing off the old ski with a bent knee. This is enough to make progress up just about any hill in good conditions, but in either very soft or very hard, poles will help keep it going correctly.

As the hill gets steeper you need to bend your ankles much more, and your knees a little more, and maybe your body a little more forward, plus a slightly wider stance and more oblique ski angle.It should feel like you are scissoring up and not struggeling, ie you have selected the right gear by your posture and frequency. A better glide means you can point your skis more uphill, while a poorer grip will mean you have to go more sideways and up your frequency of hip swings.

Nose, knee, toes is a good rule of thumb for this as it is for the other two v1 and v2 styles, but you dont need to throw your head to violently around, and can avoid moving it so far over on the lighter ski side .

Standard skating requires your skis to come as near parallel as possible in fact, to make optimal progress. So this is also why drifting your leg in over the centre line towards your skating ski side is important. It allows you to choose how far forward or to the side you place the it for the transfer. Thus as the terrain and glide quality varies, so can your forward angle adjust for each skate side.

I find it is very much a case also of remembering to breath and pacing your effort out, as a person with L plates still on, and I have heard it said on TV and from a coach to two local team boys when they were doing a fairly challenging mountain route , "take the work rate down guys". A good way of 'gassing back' is to stop poling on lighter sections and just use your legs, concentrating on weight transfer rather than full coiled pushing, before you catch your breath, arrest any lactic acid build up, and get stuck into some full on exercise again. Paddeling is very demanding so, you should practice very light paddeling on steeper gradients where the hard ski hardly glides a tall, just a step really, but you get a nice little glide on the light side. Thus you can keep the wheel rolling if  you tire while on a bigger hill somewhere.

 Also the rather old fashioned technique of using a pole on each side consequetively as in classic fishboning, is quite fun and allows you to output small packets of energy while gliding as much as is possible for that input from arms and legs. It isnt cool or trendy, that is all!

Paddeling can be practiced in any slight uphill or indeed flats, but it is a bad habit to get into for reasons I mention above. You become over dependent on sideways movement for stability and rythm. Really you want to move to double dance as soon as you can when a slope eases, or conversely, keep it up as much as you can before going over to paddeling, But doing paddelign on a slight uphill and being aware that this is practice helps you understand the efficiencies of doing it correctly. That you are propelling one ski with everythign and the kitchen sink more uphill, while the other ski is a nice little reward for your efforts at an lesser angle to the hill. In practice the glide should be longer on the easier ski, and if not, then you should be going over to double dancing V2 to get your skis both more forward against what is a slope too gentle for using the paddeling gear set!

Practicing on your own is good because you can go at your own pace, but I find it a little easy to slack off, today I had a cold though, so it would be nice to have someone at the same level or someone who was prepared to hold back and let me ski at their pace so as to challenge myself and keep concentrating. I couldnt keep up with anyone very proficient in skate style yet without them being rather kind!

Skate skis being shorter and often stiffer than classics make for nice down hill skis when it comes to manoevring, not so great in plough, but ok. They are a lot easier to dab round corners in step turning, but need to be stepped often to steer withouth losing too much speed by ploughing, because weight transfer isnt as effective as in a longer ski with slight or moderate side cut. Skate skis have parallel edges!

Today though was also a perfect example of why to get a pair of skate skis. I think there must have been some new wet snow in the tracks because they looked shallow and soft. The centre lane was a little soft in the top 2 cm, but firm under that, so it was best of both worlds by in large, just the odd deeper bit of slush where the sun had maybe played longer I guess. I could see also that another skate skier had the wrong technique because they were landing on a tilted ski - their tracks were all edge instead of being a flat track folding over to a wedge. Aware of this, thinking they were at first my spor from an earlier run that day, I practiced getting my weight out on a very flat ski, and once in a while it dug on the outside edge in softer patches and threw me off balance and over in the snow twice!

Like most of my other sports and hobbies, bar dog walking, skate skiing is somewhat all consuming because I am learning it, and conscious of all my body movements, the snow and the terrain so it was a very good distraction on a free friday to get out in some quiet tracks and cut some Zs. Now for cutting the other sort, zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Skal Æ Tinder Gold eller Skal Æ Ikkje?

Tinder gull. Ah jaså.  Hundre spenn per måned.


Jeg kan hundre krone i måned. Det er ikke det. Før internettet brukte man ofte noen tusen lapp per måned på ufruktbare kveld på byen, på fest og fylla, på guttetur, på konsert.....alt med ja, kanskje jeg treffe blikket til en annen. Te gusta senorita


Det er ikke pengene, det er prinsippet at noe på internettet skal koste litt for en ubestemt fordel.


Hoved argumentet mot å betale for Plus eller Gull er at man ser de som har likt deg / høyre sveivet deg FØRST i 'feed'en. Gjensidige likes virker som det blir match uansett ? Hvorfor betale for å få en forhåndsvisning av dem som ikke vil høyere sveive over deg men Likte deg bare kanskje litt?


Det blir litt spillteori her. De damene, i min sak som rødblødig hetero man, som betale for Gull setter da pris på at det er litt utelukkende. Det er VIP rom. De har betalt og vet at nå har de Like til Like som er 'exclusive' . En man som setter pris på å møte hans neste dame, er villig å betale litt å bli med i klubben? Men er det en 'zero outcome' spill uansett? Alle tror det skal bli spesial der inn på Gullgruven, men de jobber fort gjennom alle som likte dem, finner ut at de er bare vanlige mennesker som leter etter noe uvanlig og du er desidert ikke det, og tilbake til den store fiskebekken uten Gull kort medlemskap?


Ah, ja men, man kan skjule både avstand du er fra andre og alder! Flirt over hele lander, universe og men barn fra 18 år.....Og blir mistenkt med en gang for å bruke gamle bilde og nå er grått og sliten, eller at du spiller på de dagene man kommer inn fra offshore og vil ha en Ligg in Stavanger eller Bergen før hjemreisen fullføres?


Jeg er bare egentlig nysgjerrig på kvaliteten og alders spektret til dem som likte meg og jeg er der med ti pluss likes.


Men er det slikt at Tinder har 'bots' og Trolls på bøkene?  Er det lokkemat at du fort får ti likes fra damer som har fått rabatt eller gratis gull for å like hundre nye manfolk per måned? Konsporasjons teorien?


Ja vel, ikke fult så uvanlig at man blir lokket inntil ting med falske damer. Vi var en gang ut på byen et sted i eller nær Glasgow i Skottland med noen utadvente gutter som var verken sjenert heller redd. Det var et splitte nytt utested, liksom klubb, bar , chill, og det var mange der. Men få tiltrekkende dame det oppfattet vi med en gang Bortsett for noen få som liksom viflet rundt og flirtet litt, men virket plutselig opptatt som om de var på oppdrag. Og det var de faktisk. De var fra et eller annet byrå for aspirant skuespillere eller modeller og hadde blitt betalt av bareieren å stille opp i det første helgen at de var offisielt open-for-business.


Ingenting ny der. Sikkert folk ble lokket til gudstjenester i gammel Egypt av lett kledd og fine damer som fikk ekstra korn og kylling for å stille opp på tempelen.


Det var et måneds tilbud som fløy inn og så ut av min innboks. Synd jeg ikke tok den opp, suget litt på varen og bestemte meg at de enten ville være hjelpsom for meg som singel (og forbi best før datoen) eller er det mest hjelpsom for de som investerer i TInder of har en ny inntektsmodell basert på  utnyttelse av ensomhet ?


Det er da en prinsippsak for meg. Jeg vil ikke være en over ivrig fjols, heller ikke en snob, heller ikke en som er desperat nok å betale for damekontakt utenom den gammeldags på fylle sjekking som koster skjorta uansett nå med øl nesten hundre lapp per halveren.

Bill Koch and Why I Suddenly Feel Bipolar ....Skate Skiiing

Skate skiing was always there for me, since my first awakeneings to the the idea at least, of skiing and of biathalon.


It looked both easy, elegant and Natural but at the same time I realised it might be hard to learn.


I do get a Natural High from all forms of snow sport, be it a Sledge With the kids, Snowboarding in days gone by, or now classic "kicking" XC skiing.


However skate skiing kind of coincides With other difficult Things to get past and learn in life, It reflects my personal sttruggles With relationships and career.


I started a little on my usual skis, on days when it was Cold blue waxing which tends not to grab on the snow,


Eventually after a job interview, the thought of some spare cash lured me into buying a super special offer on Madshus ultrasonics or whatever they were. The skis were light and medium 'spenn' ie spring or Arch pre tension. I managed to break the back of one of the pair on icey conditions a couple of seaons in. Also I didnt get the longer poles, which although not absolutely necessary , do help promote correct technique.


Two years in and With a bad repair job not holding, it was time for a New pair of skate skis and proper length poles,


I wathced endless Youtube videos on technique, but am hardly very good at See Do, However, as With my last potential New love of my Life, a lass called Heidi, I percievered, I went back again and again to a simple floodlight ski centre and round and round I went, Taking time to practice the Three main elements . Single Dance, Double Dance and Paddeling,

My Left Foot

There were two main problems With my propulsion . Firstly lifing my heels too much and secondly my weak left side.
Lifting my heels could in part have been to do With the first pair of skis I had not having their bindings quite in the right Place, I think they are the fancy New type too, which can be slid back and forth for Balance or conditions.


However my New skis showed that I had the issue on the left side, and once i got good on my right, the Whole kind of 'stroke neglect' type thing which stroke patients get around partially affected areas plinged a bell.

Riding a Fixie

Skate skiing is the slidey Snowy equivalent of riding a fixed cog track, erstwhile Courier or hipster cycle. You have to keep going like a metronome in order to make progress otherwise you grind to halt, You have to actually learn then how to take in more oxygen With a lighter recovery effort,  and when to gas off to avoid oxygen debt and lactic acid, especially in the shoulder or arm muscles.


This year I really had to deconstruct and go back to basics. Like classic, or downhill, it is absolute best to learn in fact without those overly long dangly poles, and every time you take out to the tracks, do a few minutes and some trials here and there Without them.


You can see some would be skaters or rather even some who have been at it for years, doing the sort of MC Hammer, flat doll on string legs out to the side, The motion is very similar to ice skating and rollerblading though, so you only go out the side a lot, when going uphill. Like tacking a boat, when the resistance is straight Ahead you zig zag, In Skate skiiing as in the other related sports mentioned, yiou do zig zag a little until in pure coasting or Down hill mode, THis is in order tha tyou can propell off one ski or skate, onto the other, The lighter the terrain and faster the conditioons, the less angle is needed, and the herring bone pattern becomes more acute downt the ski track,


Weight transfer and timing are the two key Things in being able to hold the Wheel rolling. You can have other elements right, such as the poling, but if you dont get Your weight over the centre line, then you will never ski efficiently.  It becomes most obvious in paddeling, where if you neglect to slide Your pelvis and weight over, you end up With Your legs scrambling under a middle set weight placement, which is far less efficient and usually leads to haste and stumbling,


I realised my left foot was exiting badly without a good propell phase because in fact it wasnt being Place well Down at the start of the Whole left side phase, and because I wasnt committing enough weight over to the left side in the phase, The Cure for this is the heel to heel tap and also trying to ride as far out to the left on a neutral knee and almost straight leg as possible until you feel you will fall on the outside edge (which you can do!)

Heavenly But Hell to Pay After

I had starte practicing this in said Field, but for the last two days when I happened to have time after work, I chose the more challenging local forrestry road, Yesterday I had some issues With paddeling, especially on the left side, and kind of strining the Whole thing together while remembering to breath and avoid oxygen debt


Today I took it a little easier, armed With all my experience and knowledge of weakenesses to date, I did a lot more Without poles and turned Down the work rate in order to achieve what I wanted, a non stop run to the end of the road and back. Apart from one or two small stop ups and a usual pole inside ski fall, whcih all the best pros have done in the final 100m of the world championships in their day I saw on NRK recently anyway.


In dancing I concentrated on landing the ski, weight balancing and transfer, straight leg glide, compression for kick, and cycling the ski over the snow again to glide on the opposite and recover for the NeXT landing, I went from a weakish left to a left side which is eighty or ninety percent as strong and effective as the right!


Conditions were what you could called easter holiday morning, Corn snow, packed and hardish With little free water in it and most of the air squeezed out, Pole sticking through to ground in some Places, more like concrete in others, It was fast. Really fast.


With this speed and accomplishment in mind, I completed my two laps, and elected on the way in to do some couple of extra CLICKs (km) to warm Down, What the heck, do the Whole 6 km again.


I took it a little easy and tried some slow but sure paddelind With focus on weight over on one side, It went well, and completed the Learning maybe for the season, With a high




I reached the turning point and was literally elated, This is why I moved to Norway! To get out on skis and learn New Things.


Rewards and a Low


I live alone for the first time now in five years, and althoguh percieveance has paid off big time in skiing and skate skiing, Those moments up at the far end of the ski trail were true happiness, and self realisation,


Then I drove home, eat a TV dinner and felt lonely and isolated, and thought how Nice it would to be able to see Heidi, But my perceiveirance didnt pay off there, in fact it had the opposite effect, She got fed up With me beign too Coward to defy her Lets-just-be-friends play, or maybe I was too on or what ever, Six months of getting to know here Down the drain after she decided on someting I am not quite sure why or how, but to push me away, and now back into say hello, wave goodbye maybe talk about the weather Territory,


I came back to my Hybel and eat, drove over to the Ex and the kids for a short visti and Exchange ofwashing and supplies, and came back home to hitting-an-all--time-low. Few beers and this blogg to reflect on skiing and I feel a lot better, but there is a bigger hole than I expected left by being out skiing alone and coming home to an empty Apartment than I ever thought possible before.

'La oss bare være venner' - Lets-Just-Be-Friends, Norwegian Style

La oss bare være venner!

Lets-just-be-friends....Norwegian style.

For Young men and women out there, LJBF is actually a defeat you should just walk away from, if you are at all romantically interested in him or her. It means two things most often amongst the youinger generations. Firstly that they are not very attracted to you, but prepared to enjoy your Company, and often in this case too they just like the conspicuous attention they are getting after maybe some time being single. Secondly it is a plain and simple, polite brush off. Leave me alone for that type of romanti attention.

Cultural Differences

In Norway women are actually most often a little more direct and will brush you off more assertively and walk away from those situations in which a anglophonic woman would use LJBF. Men in Norway are a little harder to read I would guess, they tend to be a little terse and not show any emotions until they are sure, which is often after a drink fuelled passing over the threshold in outset anyway


. In contrast to many anglophone cultures,  as soon as Norsk women even get the slightest feeling a conversation and body Language is going a defined way towards a pass, they are 'rude' enough to be a little, well rude and stop it happening. However the reverse is also true that they can be more forth right about getting to know you on a romantic basis. So there we are at a big advantage , but there is always that 'valued guest in Our country' thing which confuses Things a little as an invanndere, because they may feel they need to be the friendly host and are inquisitive. Very often interpreted incorrectly, especially amongst african men here.

For the Youth Amongst You.......Back Off, Move On! 

If you are under 32 then take LJBF as a brush off. At any age though, it is best to qualify it rapidly - there and then, face to face., and Norwegians are honest enough to reply. So say Things like, oh I am sorry I am not Your type, I take it you dont find me attractive? Or are you seeing someone you are romantically involved With? Are you a lesbian? is an old cliche, and harsh bit of repartee but in the right circumstances yes it can be a little naughty and fun, if you have that kind of tone with a girl and come to make a pass at her here.

Qualify Anyway, LJBF May Mean Lets Date Without Stress

Far better in qualifying this at any age, is to ask ok, does this mean then that you would like to get to know me a bit but are interested , or are you just being polite? Or do you really like having male friends? Tell me about Your life and why it may be difficult for you to have a new dating boyfriend now?

Personal Example

The former of these propositions will be a wise route and perhaps I should have used it recently. I have known a girl ( well god voksen dame as they say here) for a good few years and we have always had a Nice neighbourly chat, and she has often, a bit mysterioulsy, asked me to help her With this and that around her house. I have avoided it, because I didnt want a complication or to let someone down, or to get my hopes up for a romance - this is Norway, and she just happens to be a beautiful, interesting and outdoorsy brunette who is more than just my type, she fits the bill to exact five course order! Finally since I am single now, I decided I had time to help her with some woodwork and also maybe hang out With her and get to know her, since I really like her and it is a LONG time since I dated last a girl who was a serious proposition.

After a pass which was not a pass, just lets do some activities together, she ran a mile from me and acted like I had asked her to travel on a "dirty weekend" as we call it in Blighty! Eventually I bumped into her and just had the gall to ask why she was avoiding me. She said straight out " I just want to be friends, I was in doubt on what you wanted" And we have become quite Close pals, but her eyes and actions contradict her LJBF, she looks to me as to be as much in love With me as any of the five other big relationships I have had in life. She is super generous and chatty and smiley and has a kind, long stare at me often.
So  I needed to qualify after a few months of nice contact, if this LJBF is actually just let me get to know you better first. Also not in the least , let Your situation change a little so it is more obvious you are not together With Your ex, because you spend so much time With her and stay there often to look after the kids. However now she is pushing me away because well, she can read the signs you know and does not quite want to be put on the spot yet I believe. Alternatively she is being a strict LJBF or wanting to revert to avoiding the embaressment of seeing me in the undefined zone, and wants the Whole thing to disappear back to being a hello once in a while. And indeed that is where we are heading, it is kind of clumsy to keep on being in the friends zone.

A Spark That Never Ignites a Fire in Your Hearts ???

The big risk with saying yes to LJBF is that the spark of attraction is snuffed out, and time to get to know each other in a somewhat awkward half way house of semi dating,  does not ignite romance, Rather it blows over. So you need to qualify that reply, and the other person's situation. Perhaps they are secretly dating already, but kind of prefer you? Perhaps they are very hurt from a previous relationship? Perhaps they are busy and just a little exhausted With their career?.
There is more subtlty here too. In Norwegian they just say ' to become in love'. where as of course we always say " fall in love" because on our cultural side of Things, it is a very subjective experience and we are more open to showing Our emotions on the outside. It is a trip wire and a pit trap, we fall into, we maybe dont really want to give up Our gaurd and be vulnerable but we do it. In Norway a lot of women are cooler of temperament and more calculating, Or they appear to be. Given the right guy they too will fall-in-love. Being a hmm, maybe maybe guy is not the right guy usually.

LJBF is Different in Middle Age Here

All this said about walking away from LJBF, here comes the Catch when you are older about this Lets-Just-Be-Friends (jeg vil bare være venner, when we are over say 37. There are thousands of lonely 40 somethimg seperated and single mums in Norway, who put all their time into Three Things - kids, career and training for stuff like Birkebeiner. They have been hurt. Often by an affair, or often that rather cool Norwegian style of relationships prove to be just that, a non chalent sexual partnership on one of the spouse's sides most often the man's. Once sex gives up, often after two kids come on the scene, so does the interest in the other partner. It becomes a very difficult Place to be in love again With Your partner  or someone new, because the whole proposition is in doubt. You dear Lover boy, or lover girl, are a Dangerous prospect because once bitten means twice shy! So LJBF can be a saftey Catch before not only YOU move forward but THEY can move forward.



In divorce here as in anglophonic countries,  there are the practicalities and the Financial and house work expectations, through to the limits on romantic time together due to Family, job and stupid Flock activities like Birkebeiner. House work is often quoted as the major quarelling point here which leads to  break ups, but it is probably just symptomatic of a deterioating relatiionship where (most often the man) has lack of housework used against him as a sparring weapon for a woman to get her other emotional frustration at the lack of romance out on him. It is a viscious circle which leads to break ups, and People Wonder why they broke up over hoovering and making dinner, but in fact they fell apart because they failed to nurture romance With time alone together. In fact they should have forgotten the house work, sent the kids out to the grand parents and gone out to do somethign romantic.




As an aside  It is too easy for a woman to have just motherly love and expect a well prepared, spotless nest to live in, in which the man kind of disappears as a domestic Assistant and pay cheque.It is a man's job then to . nurture romance and demand that time to go out, away from the spotless nest, and do fuin Things alone. If like me he was a little lazy and thought all was landed anyway, why bother pushing so much for 'dates', then you will most likely be divorced and wondering about that hoovering. So when New love comes for me, and other divorcees, DONT MOVE IN!!


Back to the meat of the dinner, in some few cases then  with middle aged women, and of course in a younger lass too with difficulties in life, LJBF does not just mean let us ALWAYS just be friends.


It is a difficult staging post where you have to get to know them. But it is SO IMPORTANT in outset to qualify LJBF subtely but persistently until you get the answer you definetly need as aliving, emotional being - Is this  a qualification period for a potential romance, or no, this is just face value and take it or leave it ?


You are in the lap of the Gods here, and have to consider if it is worth investing time in this person, because you risk losing that romantic spark and that moment you throw yourselves at each other is indefinetly postponed.  It can simply go too long in that limbo state, as I have personally maybe experienced.

More from personal experience of late.....

From my side now in fact too much time has gone, and if she did hold a flame for me, it seems like it has flickered and gone out. I was in a zone of being about 90% LJBF for her maybe, I dont know. But it didnt feel right to qaulify it in outset, I was actually jsut wantign to get to know here, but realised when she ran a mile, that in fact I cared about her, really fancied her and could see her as someone I did not want to lose contact with.

 Then my rought old, rusty gear Wheels in my heart started rolling round and crashing this big old machine forward and I had to brake up and she helped me too. She has of course given out mixed signals in body Language because she is very unsure, and now she has chosen the safer route to just being good neighbours and I am afraid that this will actually be too tough for me to be bothered With, and I'll either walk away or make a clumsy, drunken pass at her.

Be Prepared to Yeah, Be Just Friends ?

As a good girl friend of mine said to me, if she says LJBF then be absolutely prepared to be just that. She may be Worth waiting for, But what you have to avoid is LJBF in which one of you behaves like you are in a romantic or closer relationship. Then you really are being Cathy's clown, because she isnt interested but likes the attention and help she gets, and of course the Control which is important to these middle aged ladies who have lost Control over a previous relationship.
-


So on the positive side of the 10% times when it is more than it is verbalised to be, LJBF can be a rather nice prolonged means of getting to know someone and of flirting over time, and building the bridge to a shy or dammaged person who needs a slow introduction.
 But the ground rule for the persuer is play a little hard to get. You should be non exclusive and make that a little Clear. Jealousy is a strong motivator for shy Girls and guys who otherwise wouldnt say boo, because they have come this far getting some attention but risk it not going that way. FOMO too is to be used, making it Clear that some fun situations and activities are out of bounds in the LJBF zone to her.
The acid test though is the hardest ask. Let some time go and cool off into LJBF though, before asking yourself "Can I cope With her (or him) getting a lover?"
If after several months of LJBF, this still makes Your heart strain a little, then it is time to put up or get out I am afraid, you are supressing Your feelings otherwise and this question brings it into the light of day,

A Word of Caution for Ladies Recieving an LJBF

I would say on the reverse side for Ladies here chasing men, that if you give out a romantic advance then you are very unlikely to get an LJBF unless the man is unsure of his sexuality, or in a relaitonship. There are of course situations where a man too will say LJBF because of his life situation, but unfortunetly men will rarely say no to a romantic advance if they are single unless they do not find you attractive. THe other situation they will use this line is the same as for women: you have to see each other again, through social circle, neighbourhood or workplace. Then it is a polite brush off, business as usual. The only thing a girl can do then is to dress provocatively at a party and try and get his attention if she thinks he is shy and being a little stand off and self defensive. It is a Dangerous area for both sexes and has to be taken With the less than just pinch of salt, that 90% of the time it IS a brush off.

As a parting little tool from my Box, I have a little get out of jail free card for you if you have come Down the line a few months or so With a LJBF proposition. This, will get a response from the Lets Just Be Friend proposer, and will help get rid of the unwanted extra attentisions from a persistent persuer on the other side, you are fond of as a pal, but is clearly wanting more. This little card will help you make a veiled but obvious pass, and Clear up any uncertainties without necessarily destroying a Nice friendship or in my case, meanign I have a neighbour who avoids me in the same cul de sac where it is hard to avoid anyone.




" Du, tusen takk for at du bruker så mye tid med meg, det har vært gøy og veldig koselig å bli bedre kjent med deg.


Men kjære venn du må heller bruke litt mer tid å finne  en kjæreste og en som ikke er bare en venn. Jeg ser at du har my kjærlighet å gi, og er kanskje klar for et nytt forhold med noen du egentlig finner tiltrekkende.


Du er en flott dame ( /sjekk mann) , morsomt å snakke med, glad i livet , slank og veltrent ...(blah blah what ever is Your true opinion of her or of course him) . Jeg ser det er kanskje tid for deg å komme ut av skallet i den retningen og finner deg en kjæreste"


There you have it. Reverse Pyscholiogy you could say.  It demands a reply, either way. It makes it a little obvious that time has run out on LJBF for you, or if in the reverse situation, STOP making passes at me, find someone else for that!


 On the other hand it flatters and is an obvious pass to a woman or man who is interested in you, and an obvious BASTA, now you have to make Your mind up, because I am backing Down the energy and time I use on you as being just pals.

Norwegian Social Highway Code Part II - Revisiting and Moving On

Of my bloggs, one of the sticky-ist of all time is the blogg on the Norwegian Social Highway Code, Perhaps a lot of people wondering about driving conditions and regulations in Norway land there from google, but it has its' share of interested ex pats.

Now I wanted to move on with a look at some of the faux pas and oddities again, but from a rather different perspective. That of a newly seperated man!

In celtic and latin influenced countries, Flirting is an art form. It is a means of communicating humanity to each other, of entertaining and of offering a little love in jest but in fact would be seriousness.

 In Ireland it is a national sport, where flirting in some counties is almost a prerequisite of being served at the bar. The more Gregarious a people, the more they flirt with the opposite sex. We are used to what an innocent flirt is, and by in large I think all these cultures would appreciate that the flirt as a species, is just that. If a flirt leads to a come-on, then we are in deeper water. That is the trouble with scandinavia, the flirt is seen as such an intrusion on personal space as to be synonymous with the come-on. The pale, beautiful faces they turn to the cold when they leave their safe social circles, have often stoney eyes, or are good at half smirking when eye contact from the opposite sex is encountered, or alternatively, the scared mouse, looking down and away and scurrying off to their next socially comforting hole-

Flirting in the frozen, thin lipped north?. It is widely frowned upon by those short, practical hair and square glasses fifty somethings who work in administration and the public sector. It is 'sjekking' and 'sjansing', which translate pretty directly of course. Many younger Norwegian wives abhore flirting too - either upon themselves, by their husbands or especially towards their husbands. Just where does the line go? When does an innocent flirt become a heavy handed, and oft' unwanted chat up ?

Well the boundary is much lower in Norway it seems, for a flirt to become a come-on. This depends though on the situation, and the amount of alcohol consumed. 

Mirroring drinking, flirting gets a bit ridiculous some Saturday nights with everything from boys trying to seranade their potential beaus on Karl Johans Gate, to balding middle aged, married men slinking up to girls in pubs and saying ' du er så fin, kan jeg bli litt amorøse med deg?". Like the Saturday night binge drinking, all restraint and otherwise cultural norms are thrown to the wind, as a deep routed need to be, well, sexual,  expresses itself via well lubricated body language, and anaesthetised inhibitions.

Flirting otherwise is frowned upon. Foreigners try to use the eye contact approach, and then the direct you are the most beautiful and so on, but that is equally as heavy handed as the usual late saturday night mating ritual played out in most towns and cities in Norway. Flirting as we know it has a lower boundary before it is socially unacceptable. The population rate is declining for ethnic Norwegians, and this could explain it. Couples seem to either meet now via drunken nights out, or Tinder. On Tinder one or other party can snake their way into to seeming to be the perfect partner by profiling the other and telling them what they want to hear. Norwegians just dont flirt enough, and end up in unhappy long term relationships which are sometimes more or less financial mergers centred around nicer houses and holidays to Gran Canaria. Or they end up in disposable Tinderland relationships, where their consumerist lifestyles now can be lived out through sexual encounters as well. Three a month or more.

They are deeply unhappy because they cannot flirt sober, or after the usual cocktail party couple of drinky poos. While with one safe partner at a young age, they never experiment enough with eye contact to find out that someone else may actually have a massive biochemistry for them, and they are together with a fish as cold as Lofoten cod.

However that is not to say flirting stone cold sober does not exist at all. On the contrary. But is in some special circumstances. I had noted that while working in a largish company that married ladies where a lot more flirty than I had ever experienced eslewhere. Finally at m iddle age with kids of independent movements, they train a bit more and look nice once again, and like to have it confirmed. Some even dont wear their wedding rings to work (BTW worn on the RIGHT hand) . Now is the time that confirmation that they still are something of a catch, over comes their inhibitions, driven hard in and years of indoctrination by mothers and prudish friends.

Feminists are deeply divided about flirting. Some see it as romantic paff, and a mere preamble to a mans right to sexual domination and date rape. Others see it as empowering the woman with a use of eye contact and body language which maintains a distance, challenges the man to show both masuclinity and diplomacy, and can intimidate the conquerors.

There are though then two methods of actually dating a Norwegian woman, and this goes for the reverse in hetero relationships (sorry, dont know much about LGBT stuff) One is simply the direct approach, say it as it is, no fluffy word flirting. Use some light flirty body language, looking for some receptiveness by mirroring or other signals, and then ask them if they would like to get to know each other better ' Vil du treffe meg en annen gang for å bli bedre kjent med hver andre'. Norwegians will usually give a straight answer at this point, and it does save a lot of those lead ons and vague maybe, want to be nice, responses  you get in Blighty. The Date is not much I know a lot about first hand, but I have mates who still date regularly, Tinderlanders, and they say that girls get either quite flirty and quite positive body language or they dont. If they seem stiff AND start asking a lot of financial questions, they are credit card max'ed out gold diggers apparently. Alcohol in minor quantities is acceptable, and here you actually want to be really near to the bar or have table service, because when Norwegian men, or even women sometimes in the reverse situation, see a foriegner going out and enjoying a drink on an obvious first date, suddenly they are interested in flirting! As if national pride is as stake, or they want to piss on the fine chips you are obviously consuming.

The other flirt, is the non flirt. Here we use a lot of negative body language and see if the other partner looks uncomfortable yet still interested,. This is the passive aggressive flirt, you often see early doors on a Saturday night, where well preened west side boys try and impress Oslo's finest lassies with their designer clothes and swept back Bærumsveis blonde hair.   Here we can also see a bit of reverse pyschology going on, with there being a passive aggressive denial display between two potential mates, only resolved when enough alcohol to float a row boat has been consumed at each respective corners of the mating ring.

Then there is the other anti-flirt. Here you recognise that a girl is or boy is being a little coy and nervous, but also holding out on you to tease and see you are up for the chase. Now you rush in with the rejection anti flirt. You either suggest you need to be somewhere else very soon, or you start the ultimate anti flirt, asking about one of their apparently single friends. This will get the hackles up on any hard-to-get player and show their vulnerability. Youth use it as a kind of attack against hard to get knock backs and demuring. However in trained hands it is a more subtle and effective tool. It is also not usually a zero sum game either. You stand to win either one mate or the other in fact.

Jævla Bakkeglatte Skøyteski !

Det var bestemt da. Denne vinteren skulle jeg gå over til den mørke siden. Gi blaffen i tradisjon. Kast utgått, gammeldags utstyr i garasjen. Jeg ville prøve skøyteski.

Det er ofte at skøyteski er forbundet med midtlivskrisen. Gubben har fått seg en gummi slanger passendes til en bobblebil og en liten pottemage, og kjerringa spanderer topp karbon Fischer utstyr på ham for 40 års dag eller noe litt senere når magen er enda litt mer rotund og synlig. Ellers er det nyskilt damer med unger som har flyttet ut som vil utfordre seg med den som var en gang en radikal og uvelkommen stilart. Noe nytt skal prøves og noe som er både imponerende men bare krevende nok slik at man ikke bommer på det første forsøket og ser ut som en fjols, eller verre, en engelskmann!

Krevende er det hvis man er ikke født på ski. Men jeg ser at mange Nordmenn ikke er så veldig flinke på langrenns gode gammeldags ski uansett, og de tusler langs løypene uten å avlaste en ski for å få topp glid på den annen. De minner meg om meg selv når jeg brukte altfor mye energi på fremgangen når jeg lærte å gå langrenn på tradisjonelle ski, og hadde dårlig balanse og brukte stavene for å kompensere for å være litt ustø på bein.

Saken er at man nesten aldri ser folk som lære å gå på ski i Norge når de ikke er under 10 år gamle. Det samme gjelder for de veldig, å så veldig bakkeglatte varianter, skøyteski.  Jeg kom en gang på en sjelden gruppe og det var helt typisk at det var en mulighet kun for damer. Som om den 'fairer sex' skal skjermes vekk fra andre klubbmedlemmer og kose seg uten at mannfolk glør på dem og ler av deres forsøk å skli på ski.

Nordmenn liker dårlig å dumme seg ut foran andre. De liker heller ikke å være første mann ut med forsøk eller foreslag. Raskt er de, og vi snakker lynraskt, å le høyt av andre og oversnakker dem som først sier noe i sammenheng med noe gruppe som forsøke å få diskusjon eller foreslag på løsninger, eller kommentarer. Med Sørledinger går det en liten stille stund som føler som en evighet. Hvis noen far Østland eller gudskjelov, utland bryter stillheten  då er det oversnakking med ein gang, ofte ganske nedlatende. Man lære å la en Sørlending ta ordet først og at det skal være en av de 'kanskje-er det- ville det være - kan vi se- nei, men' utgitt med en autoritet i stemme som sier ' slikt trår vi forsiktig frem på Sørlandet' selv om mange har en sterk mening eller godt forslag, en liten innkjøring må asfalteres med sosiale normaler før fremgangen kan begynne. Derfor ser man aldri samlet mannfolk som lære å gå på skøyteski.


Skøyteski for seg er helt jævla. De lover og lyver. De smigrer og skuffer. Man glir som en ballettdanser i et øyeblikk bare for å falle som en nyfødt sjiraff i det neste. Når man tror man har fått til rytme og balanse fra side til side, en knøttlite ujevnhet i løypet kaste man over skien på en side. Ellers blir det plutselig kjempe glid på den ene side og man flyr mot grøfte eller trær med et spent bein som er på magnetisk kurs mot ulykke.

Man sier mer erfaren utøvere har kommet i en avtale med stilarten. Den ene liker godt enkel dans, gjerne høyre mot venstre, og har en litt svak fra spark på den siden da. Jeg lurer på om de utvikler skjeve kroppsform og behov for bokser skjøttet fra to par i forskjellige størrelser? Den andre går som en gammeldags trekkdukke - du husker de kanskje? De man trekket et hissing ned mellom bein og så sparke de ut som fuglskrekk som hadde fått liv i seg? Den typen de bruker mest vekt side til side for å oppnå et nokså raskt fremgang og selv om det ikke er tekstbok, eller YouTube Bjørn Hjelmeset skulle jeg si i nåtiden, det er en bra nok måte som bare ser ut som man er låste i en hypnotisk vrikking side til side. Den siste er dem som mestre stilarten og kan gjør det se ut som de bruker nesten ikke energi på fremgang men heller 99% teknikk og 1% fysisk innsats.

Jeg er vel gal nok å fortsette å lære denne stilarten. Jeg har en liten YouTube se på -liste med Herr Hjelmeset og andre proffer' som deler gleden av skøyting med tips og øvelser for å unngå feil eller å forbedre enkelte punkter der det er svakheter. I år fikk jeg tvinge meg selv til å gi opp stavene for en halvtime og følge rådet lagt ut på internettet. Hey Presto, etter de få minuttene hadde jeg fått et mye bedre følelser - ja, for alt jeg var svak i. Fraspark/skiving på venstre bein. Reise man seg opp på beinet som glir så bøye kneet igjen for å skive og få propulsjon på andre skien. Legg skien så lang foran deg. Skiv sidelengs og ikke særlig baklengs. Føle når gliden gir seg og man skal skive fra den skien.  Ja det var mye små feil. Med stavene festet på plass igjen følte jeg helt konge, og fortsatt å øve uten å bruke dem i blant.

Til og med jeg tok padling opp en liten bakke som var skrå  -som høyre-dreide. Det hadde jeg ikke fått til helt før. Enten en ski på andre siden fra 'festetårn' glid ut for langt ellers fanget jeg staven på innsiden av en ski, ellers glemte jeg å puste og ble helt utslitt halvveis opp bakken. Denne gangen var jeg bestemt, og følsom gjennom føttene for hvor mye jeg skulle bøye meg selv inn mot bakken, og hvilke vinkler fungerte optimale på hver sin side. jeg pustet ut av en side av munnen slike en hval blåser og fokusert som faen ! Vips! Jeg var opp bakken uten å snuble og med bare noen få justeringer  i vektoverføringen og vinkelen mot bakken for ski og kropp. Jeg var glad for å være helt alene i lysløypene på slusjete påske snø. 

  Jeg føler ikke i middelalder heller ikke i krise. Det er bare bra å ha en utfordring som tilbringe litt glede underveis når ting funker på de veldige bakkeglatte skiene. De er faktiske bare fremglatte hvis man bare prøve litt hardere.

The Random Veg Bin Grateng

The fresh veg' shelves of the 'big 4' grocery market chains in Norway are a sorry sight. Variety is poor, and despite appearances, qaulity can also be poor. Yet they do try more exotic veg' , and it is then the consumers themselves who leave such experimental attention seekers to wilt and grow mould. We are alas, often left with broccoli and carrots as items in date and edible for a pauper's budget.

We do though have the 'immigrant shop', oft' middle eastern or thai of main theme, but often they sell much the same eclectic range of fresh fruit n veg as each other. The best value items are often fresh herbs, in gushing bunches for a fraction of the price of the mean little plastic enclosed main stores' offering, or the annoying potted growing versions which often take up room and disappoint any way.  Add to that aubergines, sometimes the mini versions which can be sweeter, and that wonder of the squash family, butter nut.

Shaped like some ancient diety in honour of fertility, the dome headed, pear bottomed squash is truly a mother of all vegetables in her generousity of edible flesh. The hard, seemingly impenetrable skin belies the lush orange contents , which puts its ostentatiouas cousin, the pumkin, to shame for her mean little lining pf bitter sweet promise. A couple of kilos of butter nut gives a full crock of soup which csn be further strethced with cream,  yet still enough for a substantial vegetable content to another dish.

Sad Mrs. Broccoli resides often in the lower veg box of the fridge, bought often out of duty and rarely consumed by kids or even trhe under 40s. There she is very often neglected as a run of italia's fast conscious holders in pasta or outright junk food pizzas are flung out of the kitchen as refuelling  before football training, ballet, kick boximg or marching practice witbh the ' music corps' . Sadly her savoury, bitter yet satisfying branches get overcooked when chopped and left too long in frantically boiling water of a hectic wednesday night, and she becomes a soggy accompaniment for neck chops of pig, a norwegian staple when the national dishes of Taco or Pizza Grandi' are not being served. Alternatively an equally sad fate awaits her when neglect and scorn leave her in the white walled prison in the depths of the fridge, where her flowers burst with false yellow promise and a rotten smell pervades these lower reaches of the modern larder.

There she was tonight, her and her sister, perhaps middle aged already but still with green and youthful portent of vitamins, minerals and perhaps a little crunch if i be not tardy with my attentions of boiling. I elected to base a dish around their dual majesties, and grateng of a grey, snowy winters day sprung to mind. The sweetness of melted cheese and cream a perfect complement to her most brasicas of brasicas vegetable taste.

Blanched. Or small boiled. I cut the stem in a cross to allow it to cook better. Up in a half inch of unsalted water, bring to boil, take off. Cold water over her hot flush for a minute before ahe gets the sauna treatmwnt. Short cut of accomoanyment- grate garlic a clove per head, and a half inch by quarter of ginger. Then dice that vibrant orange flesh of e squash. In butter or margaine with a table spoon of good olive oil, soften, that is fry gently over a mredium heat. Timian and tarragon Then add a good serving sppoon of flour and a couple of tea spoons of corn flour. Coat soak up the oil. Add a small amount of heated water and make the flour pasty, before watering out slowly, stirring all the time 250 ml. Add a stock cube, disolve. Then 250ml single cream, bring to the boil and simmer for 10 mins or when the squash bits are getting soft enough to cut with a tsable knife. I also did chicken, diced and carrot, small diced atr thw early fryi stage to make it an entire dinner.  Salt , pepprer , chilli, cayenne to taste at this point.

Cool the cooked broccoli. It should be al dente, crisp to the tooth stilln that is, place middle of an ovenproof dish, 2 inhes or so deep. Grate 200g cheese. Mix 75 g into the simmering sauce, take off the heat. Once this is melted in, pour over the broccoli. Sprinkle over the rest of the cheese. Bake for 15 mins, or if the veg is fairly soft, use a strong grill until the cheese browns a bit. Rest out of the oven five mins before serving to avoid third degree burns !